How Joxer got Mjau

How Joxer got Mjau

By Kristina Andersson
kriscat@gmail.com
Happy Valentine! This is a short story that takes place between 'The Gods Must Be Crazy' and 'Complete Chaos'.
Many hugs and thank you's to Erin, who, had the awful task of sorting out my grammatical mess and make a story out of it. ;) Betas is the best fandom has to offer in my opinion. Have *you* virtually hugged your beta today?

“And stay out!”
Noticing that Ares was next to him, Zeus calmly got up from the ground where he’d been thrown and brushed of some dust from his clothes. He raised an enquiring eyebrow, daring Ares to make a comment.
Since Ares wasn’t one to back out of a dare he asked, “What did you do this time?”
Zeus began to scowl at his son, but after realizing that Ares didn’t react, he just sighed. “I just told Hera I don’t have a present to give her.” Noticing Ares’ blank look, he added, “It’s Cupid’s Day today.”
Ares smirked. “Looks like you’re in deep shit.”
“Yeah,” Zeus admitted. “By the way,” he said with a smirk, uncomfortably similar to Ares’ own, “what are you giving Joxer?”
Ares snorted. “I’m the God of War; I don’t do Cupid’s Day.”
“And I’m the King of the Gods, and I’m still kicked out of my own house for forgetting about it,” Zeus said.
Ares frowned. “You might’ve got a point there,” he admitted. “I better think about this.”
A year ago, he wouldn’t have bothered giving a lover a gift. Even Aphrodite had resigned herself to the fact that her children were the only thing Ares would ever give her. But Joxer was different somehow. For some reason, Ares didn’t want to disappoint him. He really hated to see a hurt look in Joxer’s eyes. And since Joxer had been able to live with Ares full time for over a month now without either of them going crazy, Joxer did deserve a gift.
The more Ares thought of it, he liked the idea. Not that Joxer would act like Hera if Ares didn’t gave him something. No, Joxer knew Ares was not the gift giving kind. But it would be great to see Joxer’s face light up in surprise when he realised Ares had done something completely un-God of Warish for him. Joxer would be happy. And a happy Joxer meant great sex for Ares….
But what to give him….
Ares gave his father an absentminded nod and willed himself to his temple. He sat down on his throne, so deep in thought he barely noticed when Deimos and Phobos came running through the great hall. They came to a halt in front of the throne, quickly changing their expressions from gleeful panic to something Ares assumed were supposed to be complete innocence. It looked more like they were about to pass gas.
“What have you guys done this time?” he asked, and then changed his mind. “Forget it, I don’t want to know. Just tell me that no god or goddess will seek me out to bitch and moan about it later.”
The twins blinked. “We are completely innocent, we swear!” they both said at the same time. Phobos glanced at the main door and put his elbow in Deimos’ side.
“And if you don’t have any need for us right now,” Deimos began, “we sort of have business elsewhere… like right now.”
Ares smirked; they were so desperate to leave, he couldn’t help it. He had to mess with them a bit. And maybe he could benefit from it too…. “What’s the rush? Have you forgotten to buy Cupid’s Day gifts?”
Deimos snorted. “We don’t do that crap.”
“Yeah,” Phobos agreed. “Who’d accept a gift from *us*?”
Deimos glared at his brother. “I could come up with the greatest Cupid’s Day gift if I wanted. Chicks would fall at my feet. But I don’t, ‘cause Cupid’s day is as lame as our big bro’s godhood. If I’d been Cupid, I’d figured out a way too keep Zeus’ powers instead of switching back.”
Ares darkened and threw a fireball over Deimos’ head. “Don’t ever say anything like that where Zeus can hear you. Or anyone else, for that matter.” He rolled his eyes at his son. “Honestly, you got a bigger mouth than your mother, with a much smaller powerbase to back it up with!”
“OK.” Deimos nodded eagerly. “I’ll work on it, but we really have to go now.”
Phobos threw a nervous glance at the door and nodded too.
“Fine,” Ares said, and then just as the twins seemed to relax and took the first couple of steps away from the throne, he raised a hand. ”Wait!”
The twins froze, looking extremely miserable.
“Just out of curiosity, what would you get someone as a Cupid’s Day gift, if you did that sort of thing?”
“That’s easy.” Deimos grinned. “I’d put her worst enemy’s heart in a nice box, you know, the kind that usually holds crap like jewelry.” He sighed dreamily. “Just imagine, there she is, thinking she’s getting a crappy necklace or something, and then she gets a gift like that! Now, that’s romance!”
“I don’t know,” a voice said as Strife materialized behind the twins. “I would go with jewelry, never mess with the classics. Save the heart in a box for a birthday.”
Ares stared at his nephew. “Why is your hair red and green?” he asked.
“I don’t know,” Strife answered and took a firm grip on Deimos’ neck and the front of Phobos’ shirt. “I was just about to have a *discussion* about it with these two nitwits.”
“We didn’t do anything!” Deimos choked out.
“We really didn’t!” Phobos agreed and looked Strife in the eyes, batting his eyelashes, he looked like a very disturbing parody of Aphrodite. “Would I do something like that to a ‘special’ friend?”
“In a heartbeat!” Strife answered and began to drag the twins through the hall. Before he got to the door, he stopped and turned back to Ares, “If I were to give a certain someone a Cupid’s Day gift, I’d ask Heph to make one. Perhaps a dagger or a pendant that never would get old or disappear. Joxer seems like the sentimental kind.”
That was not such a bad idea, Ares decided and left for Lemnos.
*********
When he entered the cave, Hephaestus was hammering away in the forge as if his life depended on it. He cast a glimpse Ares and shouted, “Just give me five minutes! OK?”
Ares nodded and looked around in the forge. It was even more crowded than usual. Beside the ordinary weapons, on display were several red boxes in different sizes. A table was full of jewelry. Necklaces were spread out so one could see them properly, bracelets, rings and earrings in a pile each all around them. They were all in gold and silver with plenty of jewels. All as beautiful as only his brother could make them. Hephaestus had been busy.
Hephaestus stopped his hammering and walked up to Ares. “So, is there something important? I’m kind of busy right now.”
“I need you to make a Cupid’s Day gift for Joxer,” Ares said.
Hephaestus stared at the WarGod, then he began to snigger, “You’re joking, right?”
Ares frowned, “I don’t do jokes, you know that. I need you to make me a gift for Joxer!”
Hephaestus bent double, howling with laughter just as Hermes zipped into the cave. “I’m ready for a new load,” the younger god said and then came to a halt. “What’s so funny?”
“Tell - - tell him,” Hephaestus hiccupped with a laugh. “What you told me!”
Ares rolled his eyes. “I need Heph to make me a Cupid’s Day gift for Joxer. I don’t get what’s so funny about that.”
Hermes cracked up and joined Hephaestus on the floor.
Ares narrowed his eyes and let go of a fireball. “Can you guys stop! It’s not funny!” The fireball hit the wall with a loud bang and the cave shook.
Hephaestus took a couple of deep breaths and got his laughter under control. “I’m sorry Ares, but I’ve been booked solid since the solstice. People have been crazy after Cupid’s Day gifts this year. Every being with just a couple of drops of divine blood has been ordering stuff. I almost didn’t have time to make Aphrodite’s gift, and Hermes has been running ragged with deliveries for days.” He gestured towards the anvil, “Look, I have to finish this shield Persephone ordered for Hades and then I still have two necklaces and a dagger to finish before the day is over. And I’d like to have some time to take ‘Dite out. You know what she’d do if I didn’t.”
All three men shuddered at the thought.
“Fine!” Ares said. “I’ll just have to think of something else.”
The last thing he heard as he willed himself from the cave was Hermes snorting. “Good luck! You’ll need it….”
************
It was time to go to the expert, Ares thought and materialized in Cupid’s temple. His oldest son sat on the floor that was covered with parchment, paints and glue, helping Bliss glue silver stars to a red heart-shaped piece of parchment.
“Hi!” Bliss squealed and sent the silver stars all over the room with his wing-flapping.
“Hi, kid. Whatcha doing?” Ares asked and leaned down to look at the parchment.
“A Bliss luws mommy card!” Bliss answered. “So mommy will remember to luw Bliss back.”
“Aw, honey, “Cupid said and scoped up his son in his lap. “Don’t be silly! Mommy and I could never forget how much we love you. Never ever!”
Bliss just patted his father’s cheek. “Luw you, Daddy,” he said.
Ares frowned; something seemed to be bothering Bliss, but since Cupid didn’t seem to react, Ares figured he must have read Bliss wrong. “I would’ve thought you’d be busy working today,” he said instead.
“Actually,” Cupid said with a grin, “today, most mortals manage on their own. It’s the week before that’s hectic.”
Bliss interrupted, staring intensively at his card. “It needs feathers!” he said emphatically.
“Great idea, Bliss!” Cupid said and helped the godling to his feet. “Remember where we put your baby feathers?”
Bliss nodded.
“Why don’t you go and get them while I keep Grandpa company?” Cupid suggested and Bliss left in search of feathers.
Cupid looked as his son’s back disappeared out of sight. “Damn,” he said softly. “I’d hoped that Bliss hadn’t noticed that something is wrong.”
Ares kept silent and just raised an eyebrow as an invitation to elaborate.
“Things have been weird between me and Psyche for quite some time now. We just don’t seem to be able to communicate any more.” Cupid sighed and pushed his hand through his hair. “We spend less and less time together, and even when we’re together it’s like she’s not even there mentally.” He smiled bitterly. “And she probably feels the same way about me. So we have our work cut out for us.”
“What are you going to do?” Ares asked.
“Well, I’m going to start with making this a Cupid’s Day she’ll never forget. I’ve made a romantic hideaway on a deserted island and we’ll stay there all night since Joxer volunteered to baby-sit Bliss.
Ares eyebrows rose. “He did?”
“Yes,” Cupid nodded and gave his father a pointed look. “He said that you weren’t the kind of person to celebrate Cupid’s Day anyway, and that it would be fun to have Bliss around.”
“Well, about that…,” Ares began and tried to look as indifferent as possible. “You know I hate to be predictable, so I was actually thinking of….” He squirmed a bit, “You know….”
“Getting Joxer a gift? Cupid asked with a smirk.
“Yeah,” Ares answered. “But I don’t know anything about that sissy romantic crap, so I thought you might have an idea.”
“Oh really? How nice of you,” Cupid said dryly. “Why don’t you make him something nice? Something he never ever in a million years would think you would do.” With a smirk, he added, “Like baking some cookies. I’m sure Hestia can show you how to…”
Suddenly a feminine voice was heard, “Heavens no! Ares is forbidden to enter Hestia’s kitchen due to that ‘salt in the sugar cookies incident’ when he was a kid.” Aphrodite appeared in her pink glory and asked curiously, “Why would Ares make cookies, anyway?”
Ares glared at his son, his eyes demanding Cupid not to tell.
Cupid just smirked, and Ares just knew he was about to pay for that ‘sissy romance crap’ comment, and told his mother quite cheerfully, “Dad’s trying to figure out what to do for Joxer for Cupid’s Day.”
“Oh,” Aphrodite squealed and grasped her hands. “How romantic! I have so many ideas!”
“I thought you might,” Cupid said, still smirking. “And I have a kid who has been left alone long enough to get into trouble, so I’ll leave you two to it.” He walked towards the door, “See ya later, Dad. I’ll drop Bliss of before dark.” And with a last barb, “And listen carefully to what Mom suggests, remember she’s the expert on sissy romantic crap.…” he exited.
Aphrodite’s eyes gleamed with an unholy delight that actually scared Ares. “Let’s get white doves,” she said. “And have them flying all over Olympus and the mortal realm with the message: Ares loves Joxer! And you can dress the hall of war in white, red and gold, with pink rose pedals on the floor.” She paused, “On second thought, let me do the decoration, Arry. You’d only mess things up.” Ares opened his mouth to speak, but Aphrodite interrupted him. “And you just have to feed him oysters and declare your undying love by singing love songs to him. That’s so romantic!”
“You know,” Ares began and slowly backed away from the love goddess. “I think I’ll try to figure something out on my own.”
Aphrodite frowned.
“That way, I can honestly tell Joxer I did it all by myself, just for him.” Ares quickly explained with a false smile on his lips. “Isn’t that romantic?”
Aphrodite reluctantly nodded, “If you think that’s what’ll make Joxer happiest, I can’t stop you. But keep at least the oysters as a back up plan!”
“I will!” Ares promised and escaped back to his own temple.

*************
Ares returned to his throne and had just started a good brooding and pondering session when he heard his sister snicker.
As she entered and began to circle the room, Eris said, “So, it’s true. The big bad God of War is wasting time on something as stupid as a Cupid’s Day gift!” Apparently not noticing Ares scowl, Eris continued, “Not only do you lower yourself and celebrate this crap; you’ve even asked people for advice on what to give the squeeze of the month for gift.”
Now, Ares gritted his teeth and growled at her. Ignoring the warning signs, Eris kept on, “If you keep this up, you’ll have to change from war god to love god.”
Ares rose, but Eris had her back to him and didn’t notice. “Hey, why don’t you pick some flowers? I’ve heard mortal chicks like to get them and Joxer’s almost like a mortal chick, so he’ll probably like some--” Before she could finish the sentence, Ares hit her with a fire ball.
Stepping over his sister’s quivering body, Ares walked out of the room. Eris might have been on to something with that mortal crap, he thought for himself. Joxer was raised mortal with mortal tastes, so asking a mortal what Joxer would like could be a good idea. But who should he ask? It had to be someone competent, someone who knew Joxer, and most important, someone who wouldn’t blab to the whole world that Ares was out making Cupid’s Days gifts. There was only one obvious answer.
*************
Ares appeared in Xena’s camp and grabbed Gabrielle, sat her down three miles away from the camp and then returned to Xena. “Don’t worry; she’ll be back in a couple of hours.” He said with a superior smirk, as an answer to her raised chakram.
“What do you want?” Xena growled. “I thought you’d promised Joxer not to mess with us anymore.”
Ares blinked, “This isn’t messing with you, this is just me wanting to talk to you without Blondie around.”
“About what?” Xena asked suspiciously.
Ares hesitated, not knowing where to start or how much to tell Xena. Finally, he said, “For reasons you don’t need to know or care about, I’ve decided to give Joxer a gift. And since he used to be mortal, and you are one, I thought you might have some suggestions.”
Xena gasped. “Used to be… Ares! What have you done?!”
Ares rolled his eyes at her, “Don’t get your leather in a twist, Xena. I haven’t done anything. The Chaos Stone just made him immortal.”
“Oh,” Xena said. “How is he?”
“Happy,” Ares answered. “But sad about losing you and the bard.”
Xena sighed. “He didn’t lose me and I certainly don’t agree with what Gabrielle said. We’ve argued a lot about it, but she can’t seem to grasp that she doesn’t have the right to run Joxer’s love-life. It’s like she becomes another person when Joxer’s involved. Please tell Joxer, I’m sorry for how our last meeting went and no matter what Gabrielle thinks, I’ll always be his friend.” She impishly added, with a drawl, “Even if he has a strange taste in lovers.”
Ares chose to ignore her. “So, about that gift,” he reminded her.
“Is it a Cupid’s Day gift you’re after?” Xena asked, trying to hide a grin.
“None of your business.” Ares growled. “Just give me an idea if you have one. And if you tell anyone about this, I’ll ask Strife to follow you around.”
“Don’t worry,” Xena said. “Consider this an apology for Gabrielle’s behaviour. I still don’t get how she reasons when she blames the whole donkey ears thing on you. I mean, for once you were completely innocent and uninvolved.”
“I gave up trying to understand how you mortals think millennia’s ago,” Ares said. “Hence the reason for my visit….”
“Oh, yeah. A gift for Joxer….” Xena thought for a while. Then she said, “Joxer used to have a scabbard that he said was a family heirloom. He sold it to afford a gift for Gabrielle during that whole mess with Aphrodite’s scroll. I know he tried to get it back from the peddler afterwards, but it had already been sold when he’d raised the money. You could try to find it.”
“Not a bad idea,” Ares admitted. “Remember, not a word to anyone!” he added and left in a red flash.
Xena sighed and sat down on a rock to wait for Gabrielle’s return.
***************
A quick trip to the Hall of Time showed Ares exactly where the scabbard was and he was just about will himself there when a prickly feeling in the back of his neck told him that a war wasn’t going as planned. Hestia’s time as god of war had messed up a lot of his long term plans, not to mention his warlords. And since Ares didn’t have a clue exactly who Hestia’d ordered to do what, he couldn’t do anything about it until he felt that something was wrong. It made his job twice as hard and took away time Ares would rather spend with Joxer. Unfortunately, he suspected it would go on for months.
If the whole debacle hadn’t ended with Joxer’s return, Ares would’ve made Zeus’ life miserable for coming up with the body swapping idea in the first place.
He arrived outside the little town of Golateos and saw that his army had set up camp in front of the town gate. But while he still sensed his warriors, the camp was empty except for a couple of women making dinner over an open fire. Since the complete destruction of the town had been foreseen by the fates, this was not good.
Ares found the major part of his army in Golateos busy painting houses and laying roofs. After locating the warlord he’d left in charge, he shouted, “What in Tartarus is going on here!”
The warlord who’d been painting a wall brightly yellow fell off his ladder. The rest of the nearby warriors stopped what they were doing and tried to look as unimportant as possible.
The warlord was now laying on the ground covered with yellow paint, still holding on to his paintbrush. With as much dignity as he could muster he rose. “We are doing as you ordered, my lord. Doesn’t the colour scheme please you?”
Ares suppressed a groan, he really felt like strangling Hestia. “Just forget what I said the last time and start invading the damn town, ok?”
The warriors let out a loud cheer and the warlord dropped the paintbrush. “You heard our god, boys! Let’s get back to work.”
After making sure his warriors were on the right track again, Ares willed himself to the latest location of the scabbard.
********
Ares blinked and looked around. He’d never seen a shop as gaudy as this one. Every piece of surface was covered in colourful, ornamental trinkets. Red and gold seemed to dominate, with pink and purple coming next. The shop was currently filled with men, who, with a desperate look on their faces seemed to seek frantically after something. In the middle of the store stood a man, obviously the owner, counting dinars with a gleeful look on his face.
Ares walked trough the crowd and politely tapped the man on his shoulder. “Excuse me,” he said.
The man turned around, “Hello, my name is Salmoneus, how may I help….” The merchant silenced and looked Ares over. “Have anyone ever told you, you look stunningly like Ares? There’s a huge market for look-alikes, if you just let me take care of everything, I can make you rich.”
Ares rolled his eyes. “No thanks. I’m looking for a scabbard. It’s quite old. Covered in leather and a bit tacky looking. I was informed you had it.”
Salmoneus ignored him. “Are you sure you don’t want to get rich? You could make a lot of dinars doing practically nothing.…”
Ares glared. “No! Where’s the scabbard?”
Salmoneus sighed. “Oh, well. Some people just don’t realize they’re sitting on a gold mine.”
“The scabbard!” Ares growled and grabbed a hold of Salmoneus’ toga. “Where is it?”
“Oh, the old scabbard,” Salmoneus said. “You want the old scabbard!”
Ares released him. “Well, why didn’t you just say so?” Salmoneus huffed and brushed away some invisible dirt from his front. “I’m afraid I just sold it.”
Ares grabbed a hold of the merchant again, this time by his throat “To whom?” he growled.
“That’s confidenta--” Ares tightened his grip. “But if you just let me loose, I can go and look it up in my scrolls….”
*******
A short while later, Ares appeared in front of a house in a much nicer part of Melcene then Salmoneus’ shop had been. He could hear a woman shouting angrily inside and without a thought about knocking, he entered the building.
“A scabbard as a Cupid’s Day gift!” A petite woman screamed at a tall brown haired man. “You’ve really crossed the line this time!”
“But, honey,” the man said, trying to calm his wife down. “The merchant said it was an antique….”
“Antique?” she sneered. “I wouldn’t care if it had belonged to Ares himself. You gave me a fucking scabbard for Cupid’s Day!”
“You may not want it, but I do,” Ares interrupted. “Where is it?”
The man paled and went down on his knees. “Ares,” he whispered and grabbed a hold of his wife’s hand and dragged her down to the floor. “It’s Ares. In our house!”
“Now, where is that scabbard?” Ares asked.
“Oh, dear.…” The woman shivered. “I’m afraid I got so angry when I got it that I threw it on the fire.”
Ares walked up to the burning hearth, and yes, there was a shape that once upon could’ve been a scabbard. He reached into the fire and took it out. Melted and scorched, there wasn’t enough of it to fix it again. Ares doubted Joxer would even recognize it.
The scabbard was completely lost now, and Ares doubted he could convince Zeus to bend the rules so he could go back in time and get it. He could of course conjure up an exact replica of it, but even if Joxer wouldn’t see any difference, Ares would know it was a copy, and that would lessen his gift severely.
He glared at the woman, “Well, wasn’t that a stupid thing to do?” He raised his arm which made the couple whimper and cling on to each other. With a disgusted sneer, Ares threw a fireball at an urn that was standing innocently in a corner and left.
***********
Not ready to go back to Olympus empty handed, Ares willed himself to a small insignificant glade, near a stream.
Now, it was just a space where shepherds sometimes took their sheep to let them eat of the thick green grass, but once up on a time there had been a shrine to Ares in the middle of the glade. One of his firsts, and for some reason, he often found himself here when he had something on his mind.
Ares willed himself a chair and sat down next to the stream. He was a bit uncertain about what to do next. The day was almost over, and he was out of ideas. Should he settle, and just give Joxer a box of sweets or something, and pretend that had been his plan all along? Those he’d asked for advice might raise an eyebrow or two, but he was the god of war, so what did he care what others thought? Besides, they wouldn’t dare to mention it out loud.
But that sounded too much like a failure, and Ares didn’t do failure. (Incidents involving Hercules and Xena didn’t count.) Other’s failed *him*, not the other way around.
A brown sack came floating down the stream and Ares absentmindedly followed it with his eyes. He blinked, was there something moving in it? He rose and willed the sack to him.
There was something living inside, now Ares could hear a weak mewling too. The sack had been carefully closed with a strong rope tied in several knots and very wet, but Ares was curious now. He put the sack on the ground and ripped it open.
A small, soaked, black creature hissed at him. A kitten. Ares grinned and picked it up, not caring that its claws at once tried to cut his hand. It was perfect! He stroked it with his other hand and made it dry at the same time. The kitten began to purr. There was no way Joxer wouldn’t like it, and surely a pet had to be a romantic gift?
He sat down on the chair again, this time with the kitten in his lap and willed a blue ribbon into being. With some difficulties, he tied it as a bow around the kitten’s neck before he leaved for Olympus.
A month later, a shepherd scratched his head and wondered who’d left a chair in the middle of nowhere. He finally decided not to look a gift horse in the mouth and simply enjoyed its comfort as his sheep ate and grew fat and woolly.
****************
When Ares entered his temple the first thing he saw was Joxer standing in a corner, trying to count.
“Thirty-five, thirty-six, thirty…nine, thirty…. Darn! Now, I have to start over again!” Joxer said, obviously talking to himself as he was facing the corner.
“What on earth are you doing?” Ares asked curiously.
Joxer turned around with a great ‘Hi! I haven’t seen you all day, and boy, I’ve missed you-smile’ on his face. “I’m playing hide and seek with Bliss,” he answered and walked closer to Ares. Noticing that Ares stood with both his hands behind him, clearly holding something, he asked, “What’s behind your back?”
“You know I’m not much for this Cupid’s Day crap,” Ares began to answer, trying to sound indifferent. “But I found this,” he continued and gently showed Joxer the kitten. “I thought you’d like it.”
Joxer stared at the kitten as if it would turn into a lion any minute. “I’m no good with pets,” he finally said. “I always end up making mistakes with them. Are you sure you want to give it to me?”
“If you want it,” Ares said. “It’s yours.”
“Oh, I want it,” Joxer said with a sigh. “He’s adorable. But what if I make a mess of taking care of him?”
“You won’t,” Ares said firmly. “I think you’ll do great.”
“Then I guess I’m a cat owner,” Joxer said with a shaky smile and took the cat from Ares and carefully began to stroke it.
“You forgot Bliss!” A very put out voice said from the doorway. “I hided and you forgot!” Bliss pouted as he walked across the floor. “That was not nice,” he said when he reached Ares and Joxer. Then he was distracted by what Joxer was holding. “You’ve got a kitty!” he exclaimed.
“Yes I have,” Joxer smiled. “I’m sorry I forgot to look for you, Bliss. Do you want to show the kitty around the temple?”
Bliss squealed and jumped up and down. The kitten pulled his ears back and hissed at him.
Joxer put the cat down and said to Bliss, “I want you to promise me you won’t pick him up, ok? He needs to feel at home and safe first.”
Bliss nodded solemnly. “Can I talk to kitty?” he asked.
Joxer smiled. “Talk, but indoor voice only.”
The cat was exploring the room, wobblingly walking around smelling everything. Bliss went down on his hands and knees and began to follow the cat around.
“And while the kids are entertained, I’m free to do this,” Joxer said and pulled a willing Ares in for a kiss. When he reluctantly broke the kiss to come up for air, he said, “I actually have a gift for you too.”
Ares blinked, “For me? But you knew I don’t celebrate Cupid’s Day.”
Joxer smiled. “But I like it, so I got the one I love the most a gift.” He walked into the next room and soon came back carrying a rather large object wrapped up in a blanket that he gave to Ares.
Ares removed the blanket and held up the gleaming shield. It was a beautiful shield covered with figures that seemed to be telling a story of some kind. It was clearly made by Hephaestus, but he felt no godly power inserted in it. The shield had no power or abilities except those one would except of any well made shield. A very pretty gift, but he couldn’t see why Joxer chose it as a gift to the god of war.
“It’s a shield,” he stated but it almost sounded like a question.
Joxer nodded. “Heph made it out of my old armour.”
Ares almost dropped the shield, but Joxer didn’t seem to notice his lovers surprise as he continued, “I know you’ll probably won’t have any use for it, but I thought we could hang it on a wall or something.”
Ares nodded dumbly. “But, your armour--” he began.
Joxer interrupted him, smiling. “I don’t need it anymore. My place is here with you, not on the road with Xena and…,” he hesitated and then whispered, “Gabrielle. And I thought that this shield could help us remember that if we ever think otherwise.”
He pointed at a section of the shield. “See? There’s when we first became lovers.” Ares bent his head and looked at the two figures obviously embracing and smiled.
Joxer’s finger moved a bit to the right. “And here’s when I left you and returned to… Xena.” Ares scowled and Joxer hurriedly continued, “But that’s just there for pure historical reason. The next section shows me with the Chaos Stone and so on until we get to today.”
Ares followed his finger to the last section that showed the two figures embracing again. This time outside a temple. “This is a great gift,” he said and placed the shield on the wall and with a firm look told it to stay there.
Joxer smiled, in obvious relief. “I’m glad you like it,” he said. “And speaking of other great gifts, where have Bliss and the kitten gone to?”
“He’s not kitten, he’s Mjau!” a voice said from underneath a table. Bliss crawled out and the cat followed him, fascinated by the little god’s wings.
“Mjau?” Joxer asked, a bit puzzled.
“That what he said,” Bliss replied absentmindedly and tenderly patted the cat on his head. The cat meowed. “See! He said he was Mjau!”
Joxer smiled. “Then, Mjau it is.” He gently picked up the kitten and looked into his blue eyes. “How strange,” he said. “I’ve never seen a cat with blue eyes before.” Mjau gave his nose a lick, and Joxer laughed. “I think you’ll like it here,” he said and hugged the kitten.
Mjau purred. Black Leather had done a good job. This Pet would do nicely.

THE END

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